I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Alive.
So much puke
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
