this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
