I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize