We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I smell stomach acid.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize