Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
