I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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