You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
