Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She's like a pop up book from hell.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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