Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
