soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
