I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
