Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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