All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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