god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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