I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
