I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
