I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
