Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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