Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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