There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize