I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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