The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
