Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
how drunk are you?
Several
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
