3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
