i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
