Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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