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Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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