mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
