i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize