I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
