New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
