The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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