Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
