Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
