She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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