Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
