That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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