There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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