now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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