If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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