I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
