I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
