today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
