Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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