Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
