Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize