You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Sober January is a disaster.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
