yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
