I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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