She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
