Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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