i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
