Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
