why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
