I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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