isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize