Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
