he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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