oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
