i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
