a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
