Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize