my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
