I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
