Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
