If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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