I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
