How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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